Life from inside a box

I have always seen people through a "us and them" lens. There was me, and people like me. Then there was the "normal people". It wasn't like I saw one group as the enemy of the other, it was more like the normal people were living the right way and I was not. I was only comfortable around those like me. I was very nervous when I had to communicate with the other side. Anyone in a professional position, anyone working in a store or business, the family sitting in a restaurant having dinner, they were the good people.

What makes it so hard to really know and trust someone is that I believe we have an identity crisis that is of massive proportions. I was watching the news earlier and you know how they put like 5 or 6 faces on the screen, usually half with one political view and half with another and then the commutator leaning one way or another depending on the news station? I sat there watching them take one subject, one event that happened and the difference in the way the sides saw it was amazing. They each had what they would call a litany of facts and rational breakdowns of why it was the way they saw it. There was absolutely no chance on earth of one convincing the other that they were right. Because I watch politics closely I could see each side using the talking points that their party was using all over the news stations. The passion and sometimes anger that they argued against each other was real. They were dug in and nothing was going to pull them out. But watching them from a calm emotional state with no deep beliefs or connections to either side but knowing the facts, I knew when something wasn't true. They would argue a lie even stronger than they would argue the truth. I had the feeling that none of these issues were even connected to the core identity of these individuals. They where like hairs that shed from something they got too close to but in any moment if it was in their interested they could wipe them off with out a second thought.

Why prison isn't built to rehabilitate a man. There is a virus that exists in prison, it threatens to cement our characters and personalities in that which we are already labeled as, convicts. Criminals!

Thank you for your question 1313.

Could you ever truly trust me Is a very difficult question to ask someone out there and be completely sincere and hopeful that they will. At the same time you can only understand and accept when the answer is "hell no"! It sucks because I really care deeply whether someone trusts me or not, but the unfortunate truth is that most people in here are not trustworthy. 9 out of 10 guys I talk to either say they are innocent of the crimes that they are in prison for or they at the very least minimize it in some way. When they speak about their relationships with people out there it rarely sounds healthy. It seems they are always manipulating in some way or another.

I am now a grandfather, I have 5 going on 6 grand kids and I can see things happening in what seems like slow motion. I think about my 4 year old grand son and certain things that are going on on that I believe are allowing his mind to miss out on valuable lessons that he will need over the next 70 years of his life. It´s like watching someone baking a cake but you notice that they are forgetting to put in an important ingredient. The frustrating part is that you know he is an innocent child and through no fault of his own, nor is it purposeful or knowing actions by his parent he may suffer in life.

I woke up this morning and picked up my tablet to write on this blog, I had no specific subject to talk about, I was just going to write whatever came to mind. What actually came to mind was a question directed at myself that I don't have an answer to but thought maybe if someone was going to take even a minute out of their lives to read my words, then maybe they should know more about me. The question was "why would anyone care what you have to say or what you think about anything?" The answer is that I don't know that anyone should or will. All I really know is that I have been through a lot of things that I feel like so many people are going through and have been through since the beginning of time.

My name is Rich, I am 47 years old and the physical aspects of my world are currently confined to a 6 foot by 9 foot concrete box more commonly referred to as a prison cell. I have been in this cell for almost 15 years and will be here for another 12. I am the father of 2 beautiful girls and one amazing boy, whom are all grown now. I am a drug addict and I am thankfully in recovery for going on 7 years now! One of the many crimes I am guilty of committing and am in prison for is home invasion and felony firearm possession.